We all love to judge, it’s natural. We aren’t proud of it but it happens, like forgetting to pay someone back or skipping class once in a while. It’s not the biggest of deals but it’s still not perfect behaviour. However, in day to day life there are certain social rules. If you see a couple violently getting off in the centre of the supermarket – then yes, please judge them. Because this is poor behaviour. If you see a young man licking his own shoes clean while waiting in line at Starbucks – then yes, please judge this poor soul because this is just not acceptable. If you’re loudly shouting at the screen in a cinema – then yes, you should be judged you’re ruining it for everyone!
In real life most of us are quick to judge – because we know the rules – but if we’re quick in the real world we are lighting fast online. Mostly because there’s no consequences. No one can see the judging glance or hear your comments and sarcastic laughter so what’s the harm, right? But somehow I still feel guilty, and I think this is because I don’t know the rules. It’s high time someone wrote them down so I can know what’s right and what’s ripe for the judging.
So here goes…
Status Updates are for Twitter:
If you don’t directly require someones input on something and it’s not a cool video or charity based share then why put it on Facebook? You could easily moan about the lateness of your bus or the toe you stubbed in 120 characters and if you need more than that then you should be more concise. For example:
“Missed the bus!” – 17 characters
“Stubbed my toe, ouch!” – 21 characters
“Help help, I’m being attacked by wolves in the amazon rainforest, Lindsey Lohan please save me!” – 80 characters
“There’s a man in front of me in Starbucks licking his own shoes!?! #CoffeeLife!” – 66 characters
You see internet! It’s not that difficult, my advice, get your thoughts in order then choose your social medium. If in doubt, it’s probably twitter, everything on there is essentially brain farts.
We Get It, You Eat:
As a functioning human, I need to eat. I often eat three whole meals a day and several snacks. These meals and snacks range form fruits and vegetables to complex carbohydrates and myriad of different proteins. Some coming from nuts and legumes and others coming from meat; white, red and on occasion fish. But one thing I don’t do is post it on Facebook. Whether it’s a big dominos “destroying dem macros” for the day or a healthy (soulless) kale, wheatgrass and kiwi smoothie, don’t post it on Facebook. That’s what instagram is for, and even then don’t do it too much. Those of us who want to see pictures of food will follow such instagram accounts as “fitness foods” or “food porn”. Your meals will never be as interesting to me as food porn.
Oh My God Did You Have A Baby?:
Okay, I get it, babies are super cute! But I don’t need to see yours grow millimetre by millimetre every half hour. Perhaps bulk upload some pictures once a week? Perhaps on a Sunday afternoon so I can look through them with a cup of tea and a cake and go ooooh and ahhh. But if you post every day, by Sunday I’ll be saying “un-friend”! I know this sounds harsh but come one! Shouldn’t you be either sleeping or taking care of that cute little bundle of joy? Why are you making the time for uploading pictures to Facebook? Take that baby to the park and feed the ducks, then upload the photos you took at 2pm Sunday so we can all have a gander after lunch when we have the time.
Selfie Kiss Pics:
As far as I’m concerned these are the “young man licking his shoe in Starbucks” of Facebook. Don’t do it, just don’t.
So there you have it, a few simple rules to follow. Take them as you will!
For examples of perfect social media usage, feel free to follow me on Twitter @RanaldNisbet. I tweet rarely and sporadically, or sometimes ten times in an hour at Jaden Smith because someone needs to tell that kid to settle down a bit.