Something which I’m guilty of in daily life is the “Sporadic Outburst Of Pish” or the acronym SOOP. Saying the word soup with a sort of “th” sound at the start is one of my favourites actually. I’ll sit and repeat it over and over to myself in a room while doing something else that has no real connection to the noise such as designing a flip book or listening to an audiobook. Something comes over me, an uncontrollable compulsion, and I loudly announce to the room in an oddly strange lispy voice: “THSOUP” for no reason at all.
It happens all the time, my tendency for SOOP is so apparent that my flat mates are no longer confused by the mumblings of “four and three and two and one steps to the place the place that I’m going” or something equally pointless to hear at 8:30am as your friend walks to the shower. They are simply not arsed by it anymore.
I do it to my girlfriend as well. The lovely woman that she is she just sits there and humours me or entertains herself on her phone until the urge passes and we can go back to watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix. I’ll spout such pish as:
“What if I had wings but like I was in a lab so I had to escape so I just ran through the wall and shouted I am the seagull of truth get out of my way mere mortals!”
“There’s a fire in my pants and I need you to put it out, but its not a burning sensation it’s a real fire in my pants, the fire brigade wont come because they think it was a prank call but it very much isn’t.”
“Golden eggs would taste like metal and be pretty much worthless because no one would want a wedding ring made out of goose vagina gold.”
“If I was American I’d be Chinese-American. I don’t know why I just feel like I would be.”
Why would she find that interesting? Why would I assume that she or anyone else does? What is this urge for SOOP and will it ever go away? Am I the only one? Is it a condition? Am I the first to experience it? Is this going to be called Ranald Nisbet disease? RND? Will there be research and development (R and D) to cure RND? Will there be a Buzzfeed made about that fact? Will I ever run out of ridiculous things to say?
I sort of hope not…